"You did this! I did it because......

Admitting wrong. Can you do it? Can you take accountability for something without being prompted to do so? Can you sit through someone explaining how your actions impacted them? Will you get defensive? Will you try to deflect?

Admitting wrong can generally be very difficult for people, especially people who are emotionally and mentally unhealthy. To some, admitting wrong is a direct hit to who they are. Some people may know they are wrong and have hurt someone, but will avoid admission by bringing up something else, giving a reason why, or simply running from it. You must be conscious of people like this even if that person is you. You need to be conscious of it because you need to know how to deal with people who are that way. When you are dealing with someone who is not emotionally mature and not sure of themselves, they will fight tooth and nails to prove they are not wrong or they will run from accountability like it is a 100 meter sprint. The person just won’t take accountability. This means that you shouldn’t waste time and energy on trying to get that person to see what they have done. It doesn’t matter what you say or do, the person will have to want it for themselves. You must understand that the person could have a number of emotional reasons why they are being resistant. It’s not your job to figure it out.

When you spend time trying to prove something to these people, you are only doing harm to yourself. First, it will frustrate you. Second, you will allow them to shift blame. Third, you end up engaging and giving the person or situation too much attention. Instead, you simply need to take your position, stick to it, and disengage. For example, when you tell the person, “what you did was wrong because ……….” that is all that needs to be said. You don’t need to go into the why’s, the back story, or hear an explanation from them. Don’t allow them to bring unnecessary drama or information into the equation. So, say what you need to say and end it. After you say what you need to say, you need to stick to it. The person may be vocal and say some really harsh things, but don’t allow the temper tantrum to throw you off. Just like we allow the kid to kick and scream, allow the “adult child” to kick and scream. SO WHAT? Finally, disengage. End the conversation, walk away, avoid bringing it up. Just like you have decided not to keep bringing it up, the person probably has a game plan to counter that. So, this is why you have to disengage. You have to make it a point to remove yourself from the situation. Trust me when I say it helpsprevent from being drug into something that you are trying to escape.

So, I know this post is long, but I want you to understand how emotionally immature or damaged people can be a hindrance to your growth. The hindrance can be intentional or unintentional or even both. When a person is not 100 percent certain of themselves, they will find it difficult to take accountability. You must be careful dealing with people who are this way. You must not get caught trying to prove or debate about situations because it will get nowhere. You must learn how to say what needs to be said and move on. I know we feel that we can change people, but in many cases we can’t and it’s not our job to. If you want to do anything for the person, I sincerely suggest that you pray for them and move on. You can’t damage yourself trying to help someone who doesn’t even realize or want to accept that they need help.

So, here’s the take away in bullet points.

WHAT TO DO WHEN ENCOUNTERING A PERSON WHO DOESN’T ACCEPT ACCOUNTABILITY

1. Speak up. Be quick and concise

2. Stick to your point of view and/or decision.

3. Disengage

Remember, "Never allow a damaged person to damage you or your spirit with their insecurities".